I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
