you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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