i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
