Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
