I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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