Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
