I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
