his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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