can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
