I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize