and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
