Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
