Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
