nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize