Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Soap is not a condiment
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize