woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
