i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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