were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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