I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
