True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
