I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
