I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
