Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
