Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
