I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
