K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You smell like stripper and shame
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
