I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
