Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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