I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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