just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
