She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
