Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
