Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
