apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize