This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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