Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
