How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
