You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
