I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
