So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
