I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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