This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
