When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
