Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
