Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize