I wish you could order shots online.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
