Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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