Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
