you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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