Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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