i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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