So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
