I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
