She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
