I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
