Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
