I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
