Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
