I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
