Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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