I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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