The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
