just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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