Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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