please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
