thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize