how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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