no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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