You work out of a Hotel?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize