Define "chronic" masturbator.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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