covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
