Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
