Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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