He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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