The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
