She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
