You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
