She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
