My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
