Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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