Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
