instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
