He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
