I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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