did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
soo... how was my night?
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