I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
