just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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