Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
