If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
