shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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