Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize