She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just high enough for therapy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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