well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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