if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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