maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
