Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
