YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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