i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize