he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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