She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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