Pappa wants mamma naked
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
