Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
vagina is talking i cant
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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