you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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