if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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