hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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