last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
