Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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