Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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