you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
