I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
